If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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