I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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