Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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