no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
