im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
