God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Holy shit dude........stairs
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
