I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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