i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
