Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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