He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
