Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Everclear isn't food dammit
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
