If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
