I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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