When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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