Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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