Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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