dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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