people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
