3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
