I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
