Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
