wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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