Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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