fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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