I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
