Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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