Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
