dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
foreskin is a definite game changer
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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