And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
