Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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