is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
