he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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