thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Still dying that you shit outside
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
