direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
