you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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