He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
