I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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