Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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