i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
