idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
