Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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