I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
