can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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