Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
