whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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