We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
