Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
