Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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