Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
