I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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