You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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