Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
