his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
