I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
