Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The air taste purple.
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