i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
