I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My pussy is not your playground.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Boobs are out for the taking
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
