Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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