You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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