i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
