I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
