Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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