And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
