carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
