is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
