i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
