I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
