I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
