spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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