i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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